Tuesday, February 27, 2007

jetblows

Last week, venus infers unwittingly became a part of history when jetblue airlines stranded him in New York during its first major, massive customer service blunder. But believe you me, jetblue screws up all the time!!

First of all, they lose luggage. But getting your luggage lost and having to take the hour-long train ride out to JFK, then paying 10 bucks for the monorail, is like having a hot fudge sundae fed to you by Aston Kutcher compared to their other problems.

The bottom line is, this airline does not have enough infrastructure, which is how they keep their ticket prices so low. It's all good when you're plunking down fifty bucks for a ticket, but watch out! Your guarantee of arriving on time is as virtual as that chatty boarding pass.

When Betty was returning from her month in L.A., her plane sat on the runway for five hours before taking off, only to be grounded in Denver for another hour to get more fuel - the fuel that was burned off on the runway in L.A.! Hey environment!: "Offset" THAT, bitch!

And guess what?! Just to show how sorry they felt, Jetblue gave everybody free vouchers --- for more jetblue tickets!!,just like they did last week!! Thanks guys! Just what we want! More tickets that won't take us anywhere! You shouldn't have! No really, you shouldn't have!!!!

Today Betty spend sixty bucks getting out to Dulles at six in the morning (to use her jetblue vouchers!!) only to have her flight to Boston (for a post-surgery doctor's appointment) cancelled. All the rest of the flights to Boston were full. Would Jetblue put Betty on another airline? No. They wouldn't even give her worthless jetblue monopoly money, just a refund. OK, soo....

Betty tried to go back to New York. They told her the flight would leave, even though the gate was right next to the gate for Boston, and the same amount of fog and the same non-amount of plane were visible. They pushed back our departure time twenty minutes (but Betty only figured this out by talking to some poor Mormon housewife in Utah - no one announced it in the airport!). More time went by, more questions went unanswered by the non-gatekeeper - and then GUESS WHAT?!?! Betty learned (from eavesdropping on a gate attendent who arrived an hour after the plane was supposed to LEAVE) that the plane was still sitting on the runway at JFK!! Cool guys!!! Way to run an airline!! I think what we have here is a FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE!!

Now Betty's back at Moo's house in D.C., stinky and disgusting and nauseous.

Anybody out there want some free jetblue plane tickets?? I can't guarantee they'll get you anywhere, but you'll get to hang out at the airport with all the "hip" people who run the company - oh wait a minute - no you won't - because they're NOT THERE!! Maybe they're all getting high in the cockpit of my plane at JFK and eating all the terrablue chips.

In conclusion: Wherever they are, that's where this entire company is.

Fuck jetblue.

5 comments:

Nodine said...

Poor Betty! That's the worst story I've heard yet. Actually tragic. I've been screwed by JetBlue myself...sat on the runway at JFK for five hours before taking off (while eating animal crackers at least) and being forced to sit in the JFK airport for six hours another time (way better than the runway) because my flight to Austin got cancelled. Good luck getting back to the Northeast. Maybe it's good there's no JetBlue in Arkansas.

Superman said...

I once on an ATA flight, had a fifteen hour layover in Chicago on a direct flight from Philly to Oakland, only to be flown in at 3a.m. to San jose. So after fifteen hours they flew us into a completely different city,they share Jet Blue's commitment to excellece but I am not sure if they still exist...I hope not.

Betty & Bimbo said...

Thank you both for sharing your sympathy and stories.

This means I have to go to Boston NEXT Tuesday and buy a bus ticket both ways. Thanks, Jetblue! Oh, and thanks for letting me keep these fun stitches in another WHOLE WEEK!

And in case anybody was wondering, a few rejected titles for this post included "jetihateyou", "jetbiteme", and ,inevitably perhaps?, "jetpoo".

M. Nicolas said...

Flaca-
poor you...have all our support here...and ever given amtrak a thought?

They have a regional that takes -sans snowstorm- 3 and half hour to Penn and 15 minutes later, clean and all, goes to BASTAN.

Just a suggestion. A civilized one. With a bit of "some like it hot" thingy to it.

Last Sunday, over 900 people were on the Penn-Union regional and, well, we only arrived 2 hours late (with snow and a retared security measure they come up with, I mean, the folks at the WH, to let all trains slowly approach the city, just 20 minutes before...to give terrorists some time to change their mind, we think, but hey, you never know with WH logic...).

Also, you can change your ticket if you are late w/o fees or anything like that. Plus, they have an awesome bar at Union.

Take the 'silent car' for good sleep and no peasants around you.

muack!

so you are around for 1 week more. Sweet!

venus infers said...

oh, but i do love the terra chips and all that cockpit action!

sorry to hear that yours is also unrequited love. a jetsmoooch! --v.